Surviving Emotional Landmines

How do we separate ourselves from a reaction that seems to blindly stem from the core of our soul and keep us from treading the dark waters of emotional doom?  I think about this often, especially as I see social media verbal attacks wreaking havoc in the lives of those I am acquainted.  I think before we can get to the point of being able to separate ourselves from a moment of uncomfortable reaction, we have to understand our typical psychological behavior.

For starters, we frequently judge what we see and experience based on a very complex set of psychological filters.  None of us is precisely the same in this regard as our experiences from every second of every minute of our lives has varied.  Then, there is this little acknowledged concept that our hopes and fears help establish our beliefs and, well, we unconsciously give credence to our beliefs as truth through reacting to situations before we have a moment to clearly think.  We do this quite innocently but we do it none-the-less.  So, in our daily interactions we all have these seeds that are psychological landmines of sorts waiting unseen until someone comes close enough in word or action to set things off.  We can then react somewhat unconsciously to whatever situation arises.  Because we “feel” the need to react, we must be justified.  We can weave a tale and tell it many times and get others to agree with us after the fact.  But, if we get so caught up in the superficiality of the event, we will often miss the true opportunity these situations can bring us.

Back to the seeds for just a moment.  These blessed little seeds that become our daily triggers are not the awful things we consider them to be.  Each time one of these little seeds becomes irritated to the point were about to blow, we have a beautiful opportunity to explore the core, the source of whatever it is that is getting a rise out of us.  Why does this matter?  Well, if you didn’t know these little psychological seeds, traumas or fears were hidden within you, you may never get the opportunity to identify any of the hidden beliefs and fears you hold.  Once you identify the inner most fears and beliefs not based in reality that don’t really serve you any more, you can step back and view them in the clear and pristine light of day and decide whether or not you wish to let them control you and your behavior any longer.  If we can separate ourselves from the reaction of a moment and try as best as we can to understand the truth of the heart and soul of us, we may find all these little irritating and well-triggering situations no longer have to wreak havoc in our lives.  We can also learn to respond better to a situation instead of continuously helplessly reacting.  Another truly beautiful benefit is that we can understand others who go on the offense a little better and thoughtfully guard ourselves as we go further.

I have to admit that I’ve run across many of these little irritating seeds in my life.  My reactions used to drive me mad with adrenaline pumping fear and anger.  But, when I learned to identify what they were or that they even existed, I found that my reactions were changing and my interactions became much more stable.  I began to feel much more comfortable in my own skin.  I also learned that those I faced were in the same boat I was in!  I have to say, this is a wonderful part of growing older.  You understand so much more, you can allow yourself greater patience and you can forgive yourself and others a bit more readily.  You just need to develop the ability to separate yourself from a moment of triggered exchange.   When you can feel that urge and then immediately separate from it to view it more honestly and openly with the goal of understanding, things change and you will grow.  Even if in a moment, you just understand an uncomfortable change is truly about another’s hidden landmines, you have grown.  Is this easy?  No way!  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!

Some food for thought, the next time you feel triggered by fear or anger, take no other action than a slow and deep contemplative in breath.  Breathe out then, very slowly and feel what it feels like to be in your body.  Silence will not hurt you in these moments but breathing to help you stabilize yourself at your center, will help you better respond to a potentially uncomfortable emotional situation.  With a clear head, you can interact to resolve, choose to speak or not and even decide to stay and state your case or choose the matter isn’t really worth your time and walk away to recover.  Sometimes these choices come in the span of a heart beat.  Consider making great use of these lightning fast moments to realize that gut level reaction is actually a message to you and that all the chemicals that are triggered within you are truly meant to give you the energy to face whatever it is you’ve been triggered by.  In these very brief moments you can alter the direction of relationships, friendships and even the path of your own journey.  You can even begin to grow in ways you never thought possible.  I wish you a blessed grand awakening with every breath and step you take!  It matters.  You matter.

 

 

© 2017 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Advertisements

Triggers – Flashes of Emotion or Opportunities for Insight?

Human interactions can sometimes be so difficult.  We sometimes beat ourselves up after certain interactions thinking, “Why didn’t I say this or say that or why did I say anything at all!”  You need to understand something about us humans.  Environmental psychology and, well, the stuff we just come in here with leaves us with trigger points.  These are those little internal flash points we people do or say that one thing or many things in just that special way that pushes our buttons.  It is so easy to look back in hindsight when calm and un-triggered and see clearly what someone said or did wasn’t about us at all.

But wow those triggers, huh?!  If you realize that the thing that gets your goat is a trigger and you learn to own your triggers, the impact starts to lessen a bit.  Sometimes it is good enough to get to the point where you recognize you have been triggered and then in those moments following, just breathe forgiving yourself for being triggered.  It is okay to be triggered, its okay to find you’ve got goats for someone to get.  What’s not okay is living in denial and blaming everyone else for your triggers.  Here is a very harsh reality, triggers are not the fault of the person pushing your buttons.  There, I said it.  It’s the truth and I know all too well how much it hurts.  There is a part of us that becomes so angry that we’ve been triggered at all and we just want to blame someone, something…anything for the terrible toxic energy that seems to be the instant result.  But, that only damages our relationships and makes it harder for us to establish new ones.

So, what do we do with these triggers?  How do we make them go away?  More harsh news, I don’t know that everyone can make them go away.  Sometimes I think the best we can hope for is understanding and maybe even some compassion.  If someone makes a joke at your expense trying to aggrandize themselves while terribly minimizing you or your efforts and you have a trigger point around this, terrible things can begin to happen in your mind in a split second.  If you do not learn to recognize this anger, or this toxic emotion being generated by you seemingly as a result of someone else’s words or actions, this trigger point can really be damaging for you.  But, if over time you can learn to see the trend of the types of things that trigger you and you begin to understand this is about fear that you hold and that the interaction truly only serves to give you a chance to understand the trigger point is there, you will have made great strides towards recovery.

There are wounds we all carry and you can spend a life time trying to figure out why something is there and maybe some of us should – maybe through therapy.  But, sometimes we just have to understand, accept ourselves, wounds – trigger points – and all and just learn to take a breath, disengage and get peaceful again.  Whether someone meant to trigger you or not isn’t really the point at all.  The point is you recognizing you have a trigger point.  Living with them isn’t so hard if you can understand that they exist and you don’t have to beat yourself or others up because you became triggered.  You really don’t.

This is a whole new way of living with love and understanding towards yourself first and then others in a more healthy way.  Revenge is a message.  Anger is a message.  Sadness is a message.  What is that message?  Simply put, it is that there is a wound.  No matter how it got there, there is a wound and wounds need care and healing time not thrashing, bashing, avenging and threatening yourself or  others.  In a calm and cooler mind, you can acknowledge that you’ve been triggered, get some space for yourself to recover from the moment and then just be with the trigger.  Looking deeply and fearlessly within, you can do this.  It doesn’t mean you did something wrong or that something is wrong with you.  We all have our triggers and their levels of severity vary.  But, the realization of our own body’s messaging system through emotion and energy can truly be your saving grace.  We don’t need to internalize our anger.  We just need to understand that its there for whatever reason and give it space in non-action (other than awareness) for the intensity of a moment to shift.  That is damn hard!  But there are positive actions you can take.  If there are people who continually trigger you, do your best to spend less time with them – get some counseling to help you deal with your own emotions about what these people do that triggers you or even go the no contact route if need be.  Every person deserves the right to set boundaries to protect themselves  but we must always remember to also protect ourselves from our own negative thoughts.

There are so many tools available that can help us learn to be with emotion rather than running from, stuffing, projecting or transferring our emotion onto others psychologically.  Some of this stuff happens so quickly we don’t even know its happening consciously.  But we can learn to become consciously aware by listening to our emotion, knowing emotion isn’t always fact but it is a message.  Clearly and rationally and also, very safely exploring is paramount.

We’ve all got our triggers and flashpoints and we may not ever be able to stop them.  But we can learn different behavior that better supports us while we learn to accept ourselves wounds and all.  No matter what you’ve been through, you are worth the effort of understanding, awareness, breathing and peace.  But in the end, it’s all about what you want to do and how you choose to live your life.  If you wish to live it blindly being triggered, that’s okay.  If you want to live it with more peace, serenity and support, you may have to learn better coping strategies for those times you become triggered.  We sometimes think this stuff is the end of the world in a heated moment but it doesn’t have to be.

It just doesn’t have to be horrible or result in terrible things said or done in a moment of emotion.  We can learn if we want to, we can become more aware if we want to.  I guess we just have to get to the point that we can’t live with our own toxic emotion.  These are great opportunities to learn from.  We just have to be willing to do the learning.  Just some food for thought today.  Blessings of great awareness, love, healing and understanding to you all.

 

© 2017, Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Understanding Invisible Wounds

There are times in our lives we suffer a blow of some kind.  Something unexpected, something huge, something big and something totally invisible to the outside world.  No one understands the pain because they can’t clearly see it.  Because they cannot see it, they expect you to perform normally, behave as if everything is fine and that all is well in your world. They cannot understand what you are going through.

Sometimes we have to speak up, we have to tell people very private things we’d prefer no one know so that the invisible becomes visible and we can gain some compassion and understanding for the invisible burden that we carry.  In a way, we all carry an invisible burden of some sort.  I too carry one and although I’m not entirely comfortable sharing it in this blog, it is one I will carry for sometime.  It causes fatigue unimaginable, it causes pain and discomfort but you wouldn’t see it from the outside.  But it is here on the inside.

I write this not so much for myself as I feel courageous, I have conviction and a fierce voice able to be used to protect myself as need be.  But, not everyone has that.  Watch for the signs and listen to people.  They may be politely telling you something very private when they tell you they cannot do something, they cannot celebrate, go out and have fun with you, help you move, help you do this or that because they’ve got their own private battle going on that may be temporary or permanent.  Don’t force people to be as you think they should be.  That’s not fair, it’s not right and it is completely selfish of you to do so.

I know all too well about invisible broken legs having many family members suffer something similar.  My heart goes out to their struggles and to all who struggle with the invisible pain they carry.  My message to them too – be gentle with yourselves even if no one else will, even when everyone expects too much from you, and even when everyone expects you to act like a normal human being.  Sometimes we are not normal or cannot function normally for various reasons and that is okay. What is not okay is other’s judgment of things they do not understand so make them understand and you can do that without full disclosure if that is your preference.

You’ve been given a voice.  Use it to protect and preserve you because you matter so much.  Do what you can do for you every day.  Be unafraid.  Be as strong as you can be and then rest if you must, retreat if you must and be quiet if you want to.  Those who stand by you are your people.  Hold them close and love them.  Those who won’t stand by and support you, love them and let them go (sometimes this just means hold no more expectations of support so you are no longer hurt by them unnecessarily).

Life is hard sometimes.  But we can get through our invisible wounds or not.  The main point is that you deserve support, understanding and compassion for what you go through.  If you cannot get it from those around you, please give it to yourself.  Take what you need to be okay in terms of time for yourself for healing, solitude if need be and rest when you need to.  This life is like your ship.  You are the captain, not anyone else.  May your God or Goddess keep you, bless you and fill you with all the healing strength you can hold.

©2015 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Pure Consciousness

Many a philosopher or those with a pioneering spirit from many other disciplines might argue about the concept of what precisely consciousness is.  From each of their individual perspectives and disciplines they may all be right, they might be right or they may be all wrong.  To define a bit:

The dictionary meaning of the word consciousness extends through several centuries and associated cognate meanings which have ranged from formal definitions to somewhat more skeptical definitions. One formal definition indicating the range of these cognate meanings is given in Webster’s Third New International Dictionary stating that consciousness is: “(1) a. awareness or perception of an inward psychological or spiritual fact: intuitively perceived knowledge of something in one’s inner self. B. inward awareness of an external object, state, or fact. C: concerned awareness: INTEREST, CONCERN – often used with an attributive noun. (2): the state or activity that is characterized by sensation, emotion, volition, or thought: mind in the broadest possible sense: something in nature that is distinguished from the physical. (3): the totality in psychology of sensations, perceptions, ideas, attitudes and feelings of which an individual or a group is aware at any given time or within a particular time span – compare STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS.”

Spend any time researching the topic of consciousness and pretty soon you’ll find yourself half mad with theories, hypotheses and words like qualia and awareness and many philosophical ideas of what consciousness truly means from so many different angles.  Hundreds of papers have been written on consciousness and still we are no closer to pure understanding but maybe pure is part of something we might need to branch off into and along with “pure” add consciousness and create a new term to explore.

What is pure consciousness?  Well, it is that state where you experience not one single thing else but consciousness.  There are no thoughts, no sensations, no input no matter what the mind throws up, you let it slip away as rain down the side of a mountain.  Pure consciousness is like a mountain and something far beyond it as it has no limits or boundaries or definition at all.  From a state of pure consciousness, none of this matters, has bearing on or impacts pure consciousness in the slightest.

Unless you have experienced this state it is a little hard to explain other than as I have.  The only way I know of to get to a state of pure consciousness is through the practice of meditation and it takes much discipline and practice to get to that state of pure consciousness.  To be honest, I first experienced it during an NDE (Near Death Experience – story for another time).  Knowing what it feels like, I took up meditation again out of curiosity and a desire to explore an experience and it took so many years to see it again, I don’t even want to tell you.  But you can learn to get to it.  The question I ask is, even if you get there and even if you find it and become “enlightened” at the finding of it…“And, so?”

Why would we expend so much effort to project ourselves into a physical existence if all we want to do when we get here is spend all of our time in meditation to make this world disappear?  Didn’t we want to be here in the physical for a reason?  So why not then see it through and learn why it has the parameters it does.  Aren’t you at least a little curious why or how you come to be here? There must be a reason and I think that it must be your reason alone. I don’t wish to know the meaning of life right now.  I’m focused instead on the concept simply stated as I am.  I can’t tell you what it’s for but it relates to a focus on consciousness.  I can point you to a teacher if you are curious (just let me know).  What I teach is part of consciousness but focused more on the day to day stuff but this topic is never ending and all consuming if you let it be that.

We are consciousness.  We are part of the great unknown…The All of Everything…The Great Mind…the Source…God….Goddess – choose your term but focus as you do on the feeling when you contemplate consciousness and say I Am.  I Am is complete all by itself.  It needs nothing else but I resist it.  I resist it and yet I experience it every night in meditation…a vast nothingness of pure void, black, dark, beautiful, peaceful and wonderful.  It’s funny having experienced a concept and then rejecting it on another hand but only in a way and maybe it is just semantics and there is no resistance at all but instead an alternative angle of understanding present that will morph into some other understanding that might entertain my psyche for a bit.  It doesn’t matter, none of this matters. Being everywhere and nowhere and understanding what that means in terms of consciousness – now that is priceless.

This may make no sense from the outside looking in.  But if you cut off the outside entirely, breathe slowly and deeply, let your thoughts slide away like rain down the side of a mountain, you might understand what I mean.  In the stillness and quiet we taste a bit of who and what we are.  What does that matter?  I don’t know that it does other than to help you understand that you are more than meat suit, bones, brain and a bundle of nerves.  You are that too but so much more.  Add emotion and you have the perfect storm of wonder that humanity is.  It’s truly beautiful.  You are truly beautiful.  Our consciousness from whatever angle for whatever purpose we design is amazing regardless of who is right, wrong or somewhere in between.

Source:

Definition: http://www.Wikepedia, Online

Wielding Your Own Power

IMG_1268At some point in our lives a shift occurs and we realize that searching for someone to rescue us from our pain, our misery and everything else bleak, bad or wrong we encounter just can no longer occur.  In those moments we realize that no one is going to come to save us, we may despair a little, be envious in our thoughts recalling how it seemed that it has happened for everyone else we know but us and we may dive headlong into depression, anxiety, a bottle, drugs or some other form of escape only to realize eventually that even there…there is no escape.  If we could but relax just a moment instead, breathe in deeply the beauty, joy and love all around us all of the time, we may finally come to the conclusion that it is we who must stand up in our own light and rescue ourselves.  Primarily, we are really victims of only one hideous and heinous thing…our thoughts…our assumptions and the resulting feelings from those things.  If we could but right our thoughts and allow the shift to fully occur…that shift that has been trying to get to us from the moment we seemingly lost our connection to Source shortly after our arrival here, we may discover some really truly amazing things such as:

1.  We can save ourselves;

2.  We have more than enough love within us to fill even the darkest, most painful and frighteningly lonely places within us;

3.  We need no other soul to generate happiness on our behalf;

4.  We need blame no soul for the state of our being but us;

5.  We need not hold harmful and unloving thoughts of ourselves regardless of the horrible mistakes we might think we have made; and

6.  We can stand up in any second at any part of our lives and take accountability for our very next steps and thoughts no matter where we are and regardless of how we may have gotten there.

It doesn’t really matter what happened to us in our lives.  We can lay out our thoughts for miles in blame, shame, denial, vengeance, anger and guilt or we can decide to leave that all behind and allow the transformation, which is truly only a return to our true selves to naturally and so very beautifully occur.  We have that much power within us and need only the faith and confidence enough in ourselves to stand up and take the next steps and breaths and just live more authentically and gently with our thoughts of ourselves.  It hurts when someone pushes us down.  I do not dispute that.  But here’s the thing.  You can stay on the ground and complain about the bumps and bruises and who caused it, we can begrudge the fact we now must expend energy unnecessarily to stand back up again or we can completely disregard the fact we were pushed down and the reasons why someone may have pushed us down.  We can just stand up and figure out which direction we’d like to start walking free of the blame, free of victim thinking, free of poisonous and toxic anger at others, self-belittling thoughts and muster the courage to know that no matter what, we can stand in our own light even if there are those who would seemingly prefer to stand in front of the sun casting shadows on our path.

Our thoughts, our lives and our feelings about ourselves need never be dependent upon the actions of others, the words of others or the deeds of others.  Standing in your own light means that you know who you are, you know how you are and no matter what comes before you…you will rely on your own love, light and knowledge to guide you through life on your own merits.  You will encounter those along the way blinded by the mistaken thoughts or beliefs that they can make themselves better only to the extent they can take others out or down.  Neither feel sorry for nor engage in battle with such individuals.  They doom themselves for a time until they too learn to stand within their own light and know that they can choose to do this at any time and it really isn’t your job to school them any way.  The reality is that your efforts to educate them will be wholly wasted until they are ready to make that shift.  Don’t let such individuals prevent you from making the shift from dependence on the world reflecting your worth to knowing that only you can gauge your true worth in this world.

You came here with so much love and light within you.  No matter what has hidden these facts from you, trust that you can always uncover the truth beneath the lies others and even circumstance in the world have lead you to believe about you.  You are weak and powerless only to the extent you give permission for this to be so by making yourself the victim of words and actions of others.  Things may happen to you and unpleasant things at that.  But YOU get to decide how you will be accountable for your actions in the very next breath and step and every breath and step counts.  I suggest to you that you do not waste time or energy in blame, don’t waste it with victimizing thoughts and don’t sell yourself short by believing anyone but you has the power to define you.  You are no less than a walking, living and breathing miracle.  Your presence here at this time is so very valuable.  Stand up in your own light always and live like you mean it, love like there is no tomorrow and take every step knowing that you matter.  In love and infinite light may courage and conviction to shift and return to your own truth become your focus in your tougher moments.  You will succeed.  May your God/Goddess presence be felt within you in all the steps you take in your lives always.

© 2013 Jaie Hart (photo and words)

Near Death Experience (Revisited)

SoulfireI’ve covered my near death experience (NDE) story in another blog post so won’t go into full detail here.  I was standing outside in the hot sun yesterday taking a much needed break from work. Suddenly, thoughts of the void from my NDE floated into my consciousness like the big white puffy clouds overhead floating across a sea of cerulean blue.  My thoughts took me back to the moments just before it happened, as these events occurred over fourteen years ago. This is what transpired. I was losing physical consciousness and knew it and as the physical world disappeared, I found myself quite conscious in this dark vast expanse I refer to as “the void.”  As I think about it now, it really did feel like I had been sitting in a darkened movie theater and the last frame of film had played. Then the theater suddenly just went dark.  A thought then occurred to me and I asked myself “Am I still in the void and the projector just came back on?”

I understood then and clearly know now that “the void” was not truly a void at all as we might define it.  My perception was that it lacked light but it most definitely did not lack presence.  There was a presence there with me I know because I could feel it.  It’s hard to describe that feeling.  It’s almost like that feeling you sometimes get when you walk into an empty room but you know it isn’t empty because you can feel the electromagnetic field of another human being in it even if you can’t see them.  Eventually they either pop out or otherwise make their appearance known and your normal physical senses take hold.  Then sight, sound, etc. kick in and you soon forget about what you “felt.”

When in the void, I “felt” everything.  All other physical senses had been denied me because I was no longer in my body.  I knew somehow I was still attached to it in some way but that attachment had not yet been severed.  But then again, was I attached at all?  What can I say that I know of this situation without coloring it with something I have somewhere read about to describe it?  First of all, I’d have to go back to both physical sensation disconnect and pure conscious feeling reconnect.  That is what it felt like.  When pure consciousness was connected and the physical perceptions were disconnected everything was different.  Before I had too much time to think about what happened, where I was and the fact that a part of who I had been was no longer with me, a different and much less exciting than life projection began. This materialized as I reviewed my own memories of the life I had lived up to that point.  I experienced them in my mind’s eye and I felt so much a part of every scene. I couldn’t see all that well but again, I was not used to the senses being engaged in that moment.  And it was that moment that engaged senses that never went away not even after I returned to full physical consciousness within mere minutes after my physical heart stopped beating.

As I stood there in the baking sunlight of a hot sunny day I considered the thought of existing in a void. Right then at that moment, I considered the possibility that I was truly only participating in a hologram that today I know as my own life. I was a bit disappointed by this thought.  I did not want to exist in a void where I had no physical sensations and only feeling. And yet at the same time, I was grateful and infinitely so for the other senses that had come to life from my brief visit to the void.  I could hear things, feel things, see things differently and I knew things through “felt” or “down-load” types of exchanges.  As I think back, I remember the presence that was with me but seemed both separate and a part of me who prompted me without words to consider whether or not I was ready to move on from this life or return to it.  I was left for what seemed like a very long string of minutes (30-45 minutes or so it seemed) just to decide if I wanted to move on or go back.  I did very much sense with all of my consciousness that I indeed had a choice and my ultimate choice would come to fruition.

I thought I had made up my mind to leave the physical frame when I projected those feelings to the presence there with me but what came back was a very clear “Are you sure response” in feeling. A completely different form of communication that is just so hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it.   Just then I realized that there were a few recent bits and pieces of my life memories I had not been earlier shown.  The memory of the birth of everyone of my children then hit me and it hit me in a heart I did not physically have in that moment…it hit me in the center of my soul and the memories evoked in me a great and all encompassing feeling of love, dutiful obligation in the extreme positive and the strongest desire ever to return and finish what I started for their sakes alone.  Within seconds of finishing that thought the void blinked out and I opened my eyes back in the physical with hospital staff buzzing about trying to wake me up.

My thoughts gently return to my question and my realization that goes yet unanswered after all of my effort to review my own memories.  Am I truly physically here having a physical experience but now with some added “senses” or “feelings” or am I truly somewhere in the void projecting my consciousness into this physical realm because I wanted to or needed to for others?  Does my sense of something in between ever stand a chance of being validated and does it really even matter?  I can’t answer these questions but still I wonder.  In particular, I wonder when I watch videos about “ghost hunting,” read about these types of experiences and then consider my own what may be termed as “paranormal experiences.”  I cannot help but wonder if our concept of disembodiment is really very off in some cases (I consider often having been followed by a shadow of light that comes with me where ever it is I move – a story for another time perhaps).

Moreover, my ego does not want to believe it dissolves and becomes part of a whole “presence” as it most certainly did during my void near death experience.  My ego had no control and I felt nothing but openness, pure consciousness, peace and love even though I was in a temporary space of complete darkness.  I was not afraid at all during my experience and I was quite comfortable so I wonder about my wondering about the void.  I’m not going to dive into the various theoretical physics and schematics here.  Theories abound and I find them interesting and its possible they do provide some answers but some things still just don’t quite fit.  I can’t reconcile my experience with anything other than other memories of other times and periods of crossing over.  Its strange to know that you know the answer to something and yet you cannot recall it…like the singer of a song or something else so familiar but you cannot touch it clearly with your memories to name it concretely.  Even that holds purpose and is perfect as is everything else in this frame, I think.

Clearly, I need more coffee and perhaps to reluctantly return to my homework.  My Colombian “Tarrazu” is calling my attention more than my memories just now.  But, a part of me wonders still about the void and projector thought.  I am going to let it go for now and come back to it again when in a different frame.  Its a gorgeous morning and I’m going to go water some flowers in an effort to save them from the coming sweltering heat.  If you’ve got thoughts on void NDE’s, projection theories or other related ones, I’d love to hear them.  Please feel free to comment below.  Blessings of great love and light beautiful dreams.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (repost from http://www.dreamintim.blogspot.com)

Inadvertent Path Amidst a Dream

PonderingWhat a strange and interesting time this seems to be in our world.  I cannot begin to scratch the surface of all of the happenings of this world without wanting to brush it all away and dig right down deeply into the core of what seems to ail all of humanity.  It seems to me, at the heart of all of our woes lies this insidious subtle and often blatantly active fear.  Fear seems to be at the heart of everything going seemingly wrong today.  But what on Earth can we do?  Honestly, nothing.  As weird, heartless or oblivious as that may seem, there isn’t really anything to fix “out there.”

If we want to get to the heart of what ails humanity at this time, we need look no further than our own backyards. For there, we will find a rich universe from which we may draw our own conclusions about where we are, and why we are and what we might do with significant impact.  Translated simply – we can fix ourselves but we can’t really fix anyone or anything else.  I’ve written often before of the path of understanding as the mechanism through which we can at least learn to hold compassion for ourselves and compassion for each other no matter what state or place we find ourselves in.

We are plagued with this life-preserving ability to compare, contrast and quickly discern all that is seemingly bad around us.  It really does help us make decisions in a moment about what we should stick closer to and what we should move ourselves very far away from.  But, what if we judge wrongly even in our own perception at a time where any form of truth is truly obscured?  This would be the case in terms of undetected negative environmental psychology that truly dictates the bulk of our perception of our many experiences in this world.  I’m learning of late that there just is no way for us to transcend our psychology.  We cannot fix the core of who we are.  We just aren’t able and besides that, there isn’t anything to fix.  We can come to greater understanding of all that triggers us and if we can at least become aware of the fact that our thoughts, emotions and reactions in any given moment are just that –  triggers – what an amazing and monumental leap on our own personal journey does that bring us.  Better yet, diving into the deep and endless pool of those triggers to better understand, deeply love and infinitely appreciate our truest self is beyond amazing.

Our very lives these days are so interlaced with psychology, superficial understanding coupled with time honored traditions in human behavior that it is difficult at best to realize who is reacting versus who is intentionally responding to whatever it is they face in a moment.  Reaction and response may seem like two things of the same core motivational essence but that couldn’t be any more over-simplified.  I write much about this topic in so many different ways and in so many different perspectives.  Why?  Well, it is hard to discern the space we are reacting from in earnest.  In mindfulness we learn that our human nature is to think thoughts incessantly, ascribe emotions to those thoughts and that triggers us into reaction.  But, what if we truly could learn to allow all those thoughts and their associated emotions and just let them be without judging them or ascribing further insult to seeming injury?

Well, we can do that.  But, if you want to do that in order to release yourself from states of too much worry, too much pain and too much unhappiness, you really need to learn what mindfulness is and you need to be open to embracing higher understanding.  Again, translating simply – awareness through understanding is key to relieving you of all that mentally ails you.  This you can do if only you opened your mind, heart and soul to it.

But on the other side of this very complex coin of human existence, we have a very rich, seemingly unreachable aspect of our being…some call it Spirit or Soul, some consider it mind or consciousness.  The deeper aspects of our being begs greater understanding for there we can grasp the essence of the impetus for our manifestation in this frame, within this beautiful and endless seeming dream.  We are, at best, what we most chose to be and how we most wish to embrace it – whatever “it” is.  There is truly nothing to do to “fix” or save ourselves or each other from in life.  Life is as it is and it is only our lack of understanding that drives us to our territorial desire for the many and varied manifestations of suffering hidden by our own design.  When you understand you free yourselves a little and then a little more to move through this conscious dream awake and ever more aware.  So, we need not worry so much about the state of things.  It is better yet to remain ever curious, ever hopeful and ever compassionate with self and the whole of life.  Take heart this dream – your life – has purpose.  You matter.  This dream matters.  Take the lessons to heart and love yourselves even more deeply.  Blessings for higher love and greater understanding.

 

© 2016 Jaie Hart

Consciousness As Yet Undefined

blue sea fish friends finding nemo ark underwater 1680x1050 wallpaper_www.wallpaperhi.com_89I stepped out and away from really big thoughts for quite a while. I guess I needed a break for a bit. But, lately consciousness as a topic of thought calls from that precious place I left it some time ago and it tells me I’m not done yet. Have you any idea the frustration this causes or why? There have been over 200 papers written on the topic of consciousness and yet, we are still unable to pin point exactly where it begins and ends. The theories are abundant. Some are very outlandish and some seem so rational and logical. I cannot help but wonder though, if it remains truly illusive because we are looking for it with the wrong perspective and possibly, the wrong equipment.

What if consciousness is a type of energy field pervasive in its existence to the point it cannot be defined in terms of beginnings and endings? What if it is such an intrinsic part of this world we experience that we will be unable to differentiate it coming from the mind or soul because both are a part of consciousness? If we raise ourselves up to the consciousness of spirit and beyond, we still could not define its borders because we cannot get outside of it in order to fully look at it. We have a word or a concept that carries multiple meanings only because we have no words to define the fullness of the essence of the infinite.

I had to stop looking it this for a while. I had to cut myself off from thinking about it. Not because it was a problem I couldn’t solve or it was frustrating or anything like that. I had to stop looking at it to reconnect with it in a better light. It has been a stressful year for me in so many ways I just won’t bore you with. But that stress has been the impetus for my return to aware consciousness. I think, sometimes, we need something painful to bring us back to the center of our being where there is peace, there is comfort and there is this vast and depthless expanse of pure consciousness we are always engaged with, plugged into and a very focal part of.

I guess in all my inquiry about consciousness, contemplating all the theories, I guess I have to smile and say “Yes” all are not only plausible but likely in some way. There is no mind over soul over body here in terms of origins. I think the reality would be much closer to a “yes” to quite possibly all theories. I have no scientific proof but you see, science cant really measure it from the inside. It hasn’t got the proper tools or the right perspectives yet to see itself from the inside. It would be like a fish trying to formulate the existence of the ocean? What would that be to a fish? It is in it and so how could it be defined properly? What framework would the fish use? You might have to catch glimpses where you could step outside of consciousness but I ask you, how on Earth would you do that? How in any realm could you do that?

I like to think of us all as interactive processors in a way. We take in data at various frequencies, process that data and put out a world view that suits us but realize that output is dependent upon our processing equipment. Not all of us process data in the same manner and even if we are comprised of similar components, the way we were put together creates many and varied ways in which we see, process and output information into the realities that we embrace. No two processors (humans) are fully alike and each will have his areas of focus based on how he or she was created (and I’m including here genetic memes and psychology as well as environmental psychology and social impact upon our development). So, within consciousness, how do we see consciousness when we are actually processors of consciousness? I don’t have the answers. I, like many others, only have questions.

At some level, I think I can accept the concept of being conscious, in a sea of consciousness, I consciously interpret to exist within a larger global shared consciousness. At first this sounded so silly to me but then I stepped back, stopped thinking about it so much and it became more clear to me. What purpose would it serve for me or anyone to define the indefinable at this point in our human-conscious development? In this frame and within this plane of existence at this time, I do not think we have yet developed the right equipment, thought processes or perceptive ability to definitively articulate what precisely consciousness is. Clever as we may be, the best we can hope for, I think, is to define aspects of it and maybe coin some better words to contain the aspects we define…like Spirit, Soul, Sub-Conscious, Latent Consciousness and Awake/Aware Consciousness. But those are merely points on a spectrum that is really not limited to just the points. What about the whole plane? What about the other planes?

I’m more content today knowing I don’t have the tools to do a job I somehow started to take on without realizing it. Rather than drive myself mad, I am happy to look for the right tools to begin to define component parts, go back to the studies and reread them, go back to the world of rich, beautiful and amazing experiences within the global consciousness and allow what is to manifest to, well, manifest with much greater ease and much less intense thinking on at least this topic in particular. Because we exist to process and respond to what we both take in and put out, we bring naturally, this space-time continuum into the mix of consciousness. We are the crossroads or culmination of time and space and the consciousness that keeps these things dimensionaly in tact in our experience. Hmmm, more thoughts to come.

 

© 2016 JL Harter (Photo: http://www.wallpaperhi.com)

Consciousness, Breath and the Perceptions of Experience

Screen Shot 2016-05-30 at 6.13.46 PM.png

It takes great restraint to contain oneself to the boundaries of just this present moment. The mind rebels and fights to reach backwards and forwards in time. It’s so funny how that works. It takes some understanding of the mind to know that it prefers to be anywhere else but here in the present. It also takes a great deal of awareness to understand when the mind is leaving the present and weaving its way back and forth into former and potentially alternative future realities. We are just wired for safety and security seeking. In a world as crazy as ours with humans at a full spectrum of development and also, lets be realistic, seeming lack of development who seem to plunge helplessly into the darker parts of existence, it is difficult not to worry or move ahead, compare to the experience and see where we are and if we can feel safe.

But what is feeling safe? How do we know if that is real? How do we know that not being safe is real? One could argue that whatever is perceived is the only reality there is but is that sufficient enough an argument to make it true in terms of the totality of reality? I don’t think we can say that with certainty and yet at the same time, I fully understand how it is that we just cannot ignore the perceptions of our experience. It just seems so very real. But then, I cannot help but ask, “Why are we wired like this?” You see, I believe that we are perfectly designed to our tasks and that it is quite possible that we misunderstand just how big of a game we are participating in. How do we know what is real, what is perception, what has been horribly skewed through the filters of our own psychology and what stands independent with 100 percent certainty?

The theories are abundant, vastly different and some so very similar. I’ve read them, taken them in, tried them on to see how they feel and every time the only thing I can say with 100 percent certainty is “that may be possible.” I’m not so naïve as to proclaim that the reality I see is real because I perceive it because I know that is not necessarily true. And, I know that isn’t necessarily true because I understand the unreliability of perception. One tiny example from among a million might be the application of something very cold to the skin that gives the perception of burning. But burning in our common understanding requires heat. There is no heat in icy cold. There is, however, sensation and there are certain hot and cold sensations that occur at such a degree that they seem similar but in reality they are not. You can take two individuals and put them on a city street. One person may thrive in the moment feeling the exciting energy of city life, the hustle and bustle of their present surrounds exclaiming they love the city and its splendor. Another soul may take in the very same scene and proclaim it horrendously noisy, dirty, crowded and energy draining. Who would be right? If perception can be considered the truth then one must deal with the idea that one person’s perception over another’s is correct and the rest of us are faulty and wrong incapable of the right perception. How many arguments would we put to rest of everyone understood that perception was unique to the perceiver and to argue over it with another who perceives is a ridiculous waste of energy?

There seems to be an interesting challenge when we try to label a thing with certainty. Is a table a table? What if someone experiences it as something else? Is an experience invalidated by a different experience? We can contemplate these inquiries and come up with all sorts of answers that we might term plausible or implausible but I don’t think we can come to certainty for everyone equally. So, to me that means our experience, our perception and everything we take in is very unique to the make up of our person or being. Maybe we are like a computer processor that merely takes in information and processes based only upon that data we are able or willing to recognize but not necessarily with the ability to fully contextualize reality. So, how do we feel safe and secure in that?

If you can close your eyes and calm your thoughts by merely focusing upon the breath as it comes in and then out, over and over again, you begin to move into something not dependent upon labels to exist. There is a void at the top and bottom of each breath. That space is not dependent upon experience and everyone has this space whether long or short equally – that pause between breathing in and breathing out. That is one thing that is definitively consistent across living humanity in that it exists independent of our thought about it or not. That tiny little span between the in breath and the out breath or the out breath and the in breath is something spectacular. In that tiny little moment, I think that we can free ourselves from the concerns or worry about any perception or experience we consider ourselves to have taken into our processing systems for the seeming span of our lives. In that tiny little pause lies the totality of our existence not jaded by experience or tainted by sketchy perception. It exists until we no longer are physically existing and then, seemingly, we move into the space of that pause. From there, I cannot say what happens as I’m only there fleetingly with every breath. In between my last breath when my heart stopped many years ago and the first breath when they brought me back, I was in a place I cannot define, or label or even fully describe other than it was eerily similar to that pause between breaths with eyes closed. Words are meaningless to define what was more of a feeling.

It made me more curious about life and less afraid of death and I suppose in that, there was a bit of safety and security because it meant no matter what happened in my life, through my perceptions and my experience I judged only to determine safety and security. I will wonder about that some more as these thoughts develop more into understanding. I share them now only as more food for thought. So, can we attain safety and security? I think yes in fleeting moments and the rest of our lives will likely be wavering between other moments and challenges that compel us to continue seeking that safety and security. I guess, that is the way we learn. Fear and complacency or boredom creates in us the need for change to get to a place where fear, complacency or boredom no longer need to exist but these sensations or observations are so different for all. So, we have this wealth of life on planet Earth with so very many different situations to create experiences to get us to move into a space of safety and security or even for some, the opposite. I’ll stop before I dive into another tangent about psychology and drivers.

Consider spending some time noticing those moments in between the breath. What do you observe? How do you feel about it? What is different about it compared to your daily existence? What you notice is something truly shared by all physical beings, how does that make you feel? There are many things we can explore and the beauty of life is that we are given that. I seek to bring understanding to life so that we can live better no matter what we perceive, so that we might understand each other better no matter what our experience. So, we breathe. The safety and security will be left to what we allow ourselves to perceive.

(Photo:  NASA)

Comfort in the Unknown

faceofgodI do not wish to be known by the things that vex me most and so I write about the things I aspire to achieve, the states I aspire to reach and the frames of reference I most wish to hold in this world. As I cut a path through lavender fields of Jacaranda blossoms on the way to work yesterday, I realized that I had not written in quite a while. I’ve not gone out to take pictures, drawn, painted or taken an aware stroll in nature. My life has not been about those things of late. So, what have they been about some might wonder? I would say, “Experience and the perceptions of my experiences in the absence of judgment.” Following a period of just being with my thoughts, just being with my perceptions without any desire to change anything, well, it changed everything.

I cannot begin to pull you into the journey I have taken these last many months of existence in my frame. It would be too difficult, too boring and at the same time, too unbelievable. I may even be a bit premature in my venturing out of my voluntary silence and solitude of sorts. But, none-the-less, I am here – we are all here just living, loving, learning, leaving and starting over and over again in the minutes we weave into the days, weeks and years of our lives.

Some observations of late and conclusions I have temporarily arrived at is that I can no longer write and tell you what is right, what is wrong, what is blue, yellow, red or purple. I cannot tell you precisely what I have experienced because to do so I would have to commit to believing that any of it happened the way I perceived it. Truth be told, I’m not really sure what the truth is any more about anything. In some ways, I suppose, a tiny break in my former reality is where I’ve been while continuing to exist, work and function within it. That is quite a strange experience, I must say but an incredibly valuable one. I have lost myself in sensation, the richness, the aliveness, the beingness for no other reason than I could. I have not changed and yet, I cannot say that I have not completely gone and left everything that was me behind me, or, well, maybe I have recovered a more authentic version? What I find today is there are many things I once feared, that I fear no longer. There are things I never thought of before that I now think of and realize that no matter how bright I am, I can never reach the nth of the nuances my mind craves to reach. I just can’t “brain-that” or try to any more. A part of my once very blind optimism has disintegrated not into reality but rather into an extreme sense of presence that I can claim neither as realism nor optimism any longer. I like idealism but that isn’t reality either. I rather prefer a new space or frame and that is one of neutrality, joyful, benign and calming neutrality.

I tire of those who require me to choose a side, choose Democrat or Republican, choose dark or light, choose in or out; define yourself by labels? No. I no longer wish to. Whether I do or not I’ll be judged by the perception of others and even that judgment has no bearing on my perception of reality. It may color my experience lonely or full but what is that any way? Why is it important? Do we not already place an over abundance of importance on things that don’t really add to the totality of the whole of existence with any true significance? I do not wish to settle for the superficiality of existence any more and I also do not wish to let this psychological core of my existence drive me into behaviors or actions I’ll just have to later suffer until I gain the lessons great from which I may learn and prosper or succeed in life in some way. What if there is no “succeeding” and what if we are already quite prosperous in our ability to take breath, exist, dream, sleep, wake, enjoy a morsel or beverage or the rays of the sun dancing on the rooftops followed by starlight chasing away the chill of the night?

As I said, it is possible I am a bit premature in my venturing back into the world of writing and blogging. More time yet may be needed to just sink into the newness of sensation, satisfactory existence, beautiful and blissful neutrality, balance and equanimity. I don’t know. I may publish this even if it is difficult to follow because it is real and it is me right now. I’m happy and sad, I’m elated and mad. I love this life immensely and I shall no longer fear it. I want to really live it. The time I have spent sorting through my thoughts and tapping them out like mad on these keys may or may not be coming to somewhat of a close. Perhaps it is just a momentary transformation. We are continually transforming in every breath and step that we take into a newness of being we know not the true origins of and that is just simply okay. It doesn’t matter. Past lives, do not matter. Future lives do not matter. Who you’ve been matters not, who you’ve planned to become matters not. What really matters is this one moment that you are in – how do you feel – what do you feel? Can you find any form of gratitude in that? If you can – good for you. Step one and done. Life is amazing, let us never forget this.   The boring drudgery of the day in and day out can dull your senses to the point of sheer madness and senselessness. It’s okay. Just let it be. Breathe in and out and feel the unique essence of your body, your energy, your presence right here and now. Maybe, there is nothing else and maybe that is perfect. The search truly is over. The new frontier is where we’ve always been and will ever long be. Not knowing is the cause and acceptance is the key. Blessings for your perfect journey.

 

© 2016 Jaie Hart (photo and words)